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January 12, 2015 | 1 comment

The Power of Positive Discipline

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By Ellen Gore

Even those of us with the shortest of work histories in an early childhood classroom have tales to tell, both humorous and horrifying, about our students’ behaviors. For a teacher sees as many behaviors as there are children. All together in one classroom, you might find Sally, who interrupts all day long; Jane, who sits quietly and communicates very little; Jimmy, who curses like a sailor; Malik, who wants to be first at all times; little Minnie, who loves to use the scissors for cutting hair; Jorge, who does everything loud and fast, running and yelling nearly all the time; and Davey, who is so curious, he put a bead in his ear once to see if it fit, and had to go to the emergency room.

How does an early educator manage? Well, by keeping a sense of humor, and a close eye on the scissors and beads to start, but also by focusing on the positive, on what is possible, on what is “wanted” in a higher sense, for the greater good of both the individual children and the classroom community. It might sound obvious, or silly, but it really is much more effective to say “beads are for stringing, so we can make bracelets, necklaces and other inventions you might think of” than to say “we never put beads in our ears.” After all, didn’t Davey put a bead in his ear once? And we all found out what happened then.

Learning happens when we spark a child’s interest. Drawing attention to a bead-stringing activity by describing all the wonderful and attractive creations that can be made, and then giving the children time and space to create their own constructions with the beads, is a much more powerful motivator than listing what the children should not do. In the same way, if scissors get used for cutting hair, saying “we use scissors to cut paper; let’s try again,” sets expectations and shows trust, whereas saying, “I am taking these away until you can remember how to use them!” shames an action that may have been an innocent exploration.

Children learn best in an environment where they feel safe, where they trust they are loved unconditionally—not where they are conditionally ranked according to their “good” or “bad” behavior. Certainly we do want to foster “good” behavior. Behavior problems in preschool are the single best predictor of delinquency, gang involvement, incarceration, addiction and other negative behaviors later in life.1 So as early educators, we have the opportunity, and perhaps even the responsibility, to redirect children in a positive direction. We just have to remember to do so in a positive way.

It can be challenging to steer clear of those ineffective but all too familiar punishments and rewards when we are in the thick of it. When Jorge yells for the third time in 10 minutes, it’s tempting to try giving him a gold star for every time he talks in a lowered voice, or take away one minute of recess for every time he yells. But neither approach really works in the long run, at least if what we truly want is a student who does the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing, and not for the gold star he might get. Alfie Kohn, author of Punished by Rewards, states that both rewards and punishments are forms of manipulation, calling them “extrinsic motivators that cause intrinsic motivation to evaporate.” In his book Beyond Discipline, he writes: “[To] help students become ethical people, as opposed to people who merely do what they are told, we cannot merely tell them what to do. We have to help them figure out—for themselves and with each other—how one ought to act.” 2

With very young children, who are still very literal, and only just developing the ability to reason, it helps to model the behavior we hope to see, rather than just talking about it or hoping they’ll figure it out. For example, if a child cries because the swing is taken on the playground, we might offer up an alternative to tears that is a little more effective than just saying “use your words.” We might be more explicit in our direction and say: “Jason, you could ask Susie, ‘May I have a turn on the swing when you are finished?’” Or with our friend Jorge, who loves to move fast, we might say, “Jorge, it’s more careful and polite to walk inside,” or we might simply model walking slowly and calmly ourselves.

Ultimately, positive discipline works to develop a self-disciplined person. This is desirable for it is the intrinsically motivated person who research tells us is the happiest and most successful in life. Daniel Goleman talks about how self-motivation lies at the heart of emotional intelligence, and that positive emotions in turn motivate learning.3 Students who feel relaxed and calm absorb knowledge and develop skills more easily, and better. Thus, creating an early learning classroom environment where a positive approach to discipline reduces tension through caring relationships and a friendly view of mistakes as a way to learn will increase learning opportunities and levels of self-discipline.

1. Dishion, T.J., French, D.C., & Patterson, G.R. (1995). The development and ecology of antisocial behavior. In D. Cicchetti & D.J. Cohen (Eds.), Developmental psychopathology, Vol. 2: Risk, disorder, and adaptation (pp. 421-471). New York: John Wiley & Sons.
2. Kohn, Alfie, Punished by Rewards, Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1999; Beyond Discipline, Alexandria, VA: Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development, 1996
3. Goleman, D., Emotional Intelligence, New York, NY, England: Bantam Books, Inc., 1995


Ellen Gore holds two AMI Montessori diplomas and a bachelor's degree in political science with an emphasis on public policy.  Since 1997 she has worked as lead teacher in Montessori Primary and Elementary classrooms.  She served as School Director at Guadalupe Montessori School-- a small independent Montessori school in Silver City, NM-- from 2011 to 2014.  Ellen currently serves on AFT's Early Childhood Education Cadre.

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Carol Oberg
Carol Oberg January 15, 2019, 12:11 am

I think children also need to know what is expected and accepted in different environments in a clear manner. So, if you don't cut hair with scissors there is a clear way of saying that without shaming the child, and then adding what the scissors should be used for. Definitely never embarrass or shame a child. On the other hand, give the "rules" clearly and specifically. That is critical for children thrive within an environment that is loving and also has boundaries.